He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
