the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
