Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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