I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
