Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Ketchup is God's man juice
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
