He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
