I love black thongs
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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