don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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