kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
