good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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