is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
