For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
