she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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