Yo dont text me then not text me
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
