Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
