Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
porn star boner night. come get it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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