i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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