Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize