maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
