dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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