he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
