Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
