Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
