He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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