Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
