I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Your penis caused this!
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