Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
