I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize