Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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