You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
