u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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