you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
