Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
