it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
