If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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