We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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