You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
