Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
3 2 1 whiskey
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
