Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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