A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
should my penis look like a turkey
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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