there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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