Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
