Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
