He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
