evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize