remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
They took my balls.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize