Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
