I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
