you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
