Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
