Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
