umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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