I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
