he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
