I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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