I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
