so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
