Betty ford says i'm here all night
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
