all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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